What started off as the worst year I’ve ever had in my life so far…

….remains as such! Ha.

This doesn’t mean that things cannot turn around, however. There are some areas of my life that are improving as time goes by. I’ve done a lot for myself and also made a lot of new, valuable friends this year. I’ve also learned a few lessons. 

I’ve started therapy at an institute now which should help out a lot with my depersonalization, which I do still have (three months and going, woo!) I’m glad I took that step and didn’t wait to go. I realized I could have used therapy a long time ago, and shouldn’t have waited until now. Talking to someone like that really helps. I’ve dealt with a lot in my life that I needed to let out. I needed help understanding this new disorder, and with these past few months I don’t know how I would have gotten through it without Lee Anne. I had to say goodbye to her today, which was sad, since she is going to Michigan and I was handed off to a more professional institute now. I’m a bit upset that she has to go, and that we may never speak again, but I forever thank her for everything she has done for me the past few months. She’s a beautiful person. So is the nurse from the center, Romi, who was very patient with me and my hypochondria. She’s the bomb. 

I’ve also begun the first steps in the moving process, which is already very difficult and stressful. I’ve felt sick everyday now, since my immune system is low because of all the stress (not to mention the crazy New York weather) My friends and I have found an apartment, a few actually, but we disagreed on the main one we saw. It ended with a big fight, and I made up with them but we still haven’t settled on anything. I haven’t felt like myself so it’s been difficult to focus. I have started packing and I am really excited though - I definitely make enough for our move and one of their coworkers might move in with us so we can get a three bedroom (which are more reasonably priced than a two bedroom) My dad even said he’ll help with the deposit. I’m fortunate. There’s still more to come with that, within the next week. Anticipating every moment. 

Work is going well. My job is very stressful and tedious, and I’m trying to branch out but I can’t. They are very strict with attendance and with us talking to each other, but I definitely don’t pay the latter mind at all. I need to socialize with my coworkers to stay sane in that place. They can’t say anything though - I was actually third highest in donations for Whole Planet - and tomorrow all the highest donaters are taking a trip with the company. They’re taking us out to eat as well, and it’s all paid for (on the clock) We just finished donating to City Harvest, and again I was second highest! (: People just love giving me their money, what can I say. This hopefully makes up for how naughty I am when I don’t follow the rules, haha. That’s going to be another trip I’m going on. They’re also giving us gifts, which is cool, and I have a job dialogue next week which will result in a pay raise. That’ll be a big help.

Finally, a modeling agency (which I won’t name here, yet) wanted me in their offices after I applied recently. I went in and shot some photos for them, and filled out a packet of paperwork. I’m waiting to hear back from them, and I’m crossing my fingers!

I guess things are getting better! Hopefully, they continue this way. I also wouldn’t have made it these past months without my wonderful friends. I really think I have some of the best in the world. I’m moving in with Charlie and Marcela, and they have been there for me every step of the way. Especially Marcy. Diego helped me out when he could, and was always great to talk to. Ricky always came out to hang when I was feeling down, and kept me company whenever I felt lonely. Stephany did her best to make me smile, as far away as she is. She has to know how much I appreciate her…and I can’t wait to see her soon! Alexa would also try to cheer me up and drive out here, allowing us to go on journeys in the city :) Paola always had something nice to say, and we’ve seen each other so much these past few weeks…cooking together, watching movies..everything has been a good time with her. I even took her to work, haha. Michelle is my concert buddy, and comes over at times when she’s not busy. I wish I saw her more.

Cassi and Nia started a writing group with me again, and really got me motivated. I wrote a long story that I think is one of the best I have written, and Cassi agreed. I strive to do better! Shari also related to me so much this past semester, and we did so much together. I’ve grown a lot closer with her. I’ve also grown a lot closer to Cheryl, who gives me the most beautiful words of support that I cherish. 

I also made a lot of new friends from work! Jaema and I are super close, and we’ll talk on the phone for hours sometimes and she’ll come visit me. She’s such a fun girl, I always have a blast with her. Shannon is another one who I always have a good time with, and we need to smoke/drink/party up a lot more from here on out. Grady and I are also very close now, which might be surprising because of our age difference, but it isn’t a surprise at all once you find out we have the same exact interests :D We might also become gym buddies. He’s also great at giving advice; Shannon is too. Karina is my movie buddy from work, and is probably the funniest person I’ve met this year. There are a lot more, but this would go on and on…(not like this hasn’t already)

My cousin Niki has also been a tremendous help. My brother, his wife, my other cousins and my Nona have also done a lot for me. Niki though was always there for me when I called her, and always did her best to give me all the time I needed to vent. We’ve also grown closer than before, I feel, and I’m happy about that. Niki gave me great and sound advice, and I think, helped keep me grounded. Thanks, cuz :) I love her so much! I get to see her May 30th, which is only a few days away, really. I can’t wait. 

A week off is just what I need from all this stress. My mom has been acting up here more than ever before, and with the move and work and all, a week away is perfect timing right about now. 

What a crazy year so far…and let’s not forget, having Mocha helps too.

Well, that was a longer update than I thought I’d write. 

Oh, and you there…

I realized I never needed you…finally. I just depended on you way too much for my happiness. I think I’m going to be much happier from here on out. I guess I wish you the best, but I really do think you’re the one that’s going to be missing out from here on out. 

Tough.

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R.I.P Cliffy ♥

I love you, angel cake. It’s been a few months, but know that I will never forget you. You weren’t just a ham-ham to me, you were my baby boy.